Is this the end or a new beginning?

"You cannot change what is going on around you, 

until you start changing what is going on within you."

     My life has been so different these past years. Dealing with severe anxiety and depression, questioning everything about myself and the world. I dread the heartache and smile in the bittersweet life has to offer. These past few weeks have been the worst. Losing a man that I love feels like a huge stab to my heart. I am broken. Shattered beyond words. I was so afraid to love, but I chose to free my heart and love him with all my might. I knew the risk and I took it. I do not regret, but this does not mean I do not hurt. I cannot hate him either. I guess that is the power of love. God...I feel like crying. I excellently tricked my brain to hide my despair, so I can function. Sadly, I cannot trick my body. I suffer severe and real pain. My body involuntarily quivers and shakes, perhaps from the stress of my broken heart. I am so hurt. I do not know what to do. All I can think of now is to keep tricking my brain so I can function—though it is not the same, grieve and grow. Can I bear the sorrow? I am terrified. Where did I go wrong? :(